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Order the Virtual Condom XP Preview Program

Yes boys, it's finally here! Sign up now for the Microscum Virtual Condom® XP Preview Program. Be among the first to experience Safe Sex that feels as close to unprotected sex as is virtually possible! Not since the discovery of HIV, has sex been so safe, yet felt SO GOOD! The Virtual Condom XP Home Edition, let's your sperm through, so she thinks you're still trying to get her pregnant, but kills every last one of them, DEAD! And the Virtual Condom XP Professional Edition, is for when she's had a headache for the last month, and that skanky 'ho on the corner is willing to do the WILD THANG with you for $50 an hour! For a limited time only, we, here at Microscum, are offering this Preview Program for just $9.99 (USD) for the Virtual Condom XP Home Edition, and just $19.99 (USD) for the Virtual Condom XP Professional Edition.

The Virtual Condom XP Home Edition, code-named "Stealth", is a sleek, aerodynamically designed anal insert, that even U. S. Custom's Agents have difficulty locating. The Virtual Condom XP Professional Edition, code-named "Lojack", combines the latest in Microscum Messenger technology, with the optional security of a personal emergency locator beacon with GPS technology!* And with the optional wireless ear piece and microphone*, you can stay in touch, even while that skanky 'ho rides you like you like you're a broncin' buck! While the Virtual Condom XP Professional Edition is a "little" bulkier, we, here at Microscum, feel that a "little" occasional anal discomfort is worth the added benefits in sexual safety and mobile connectivity!** And after our initial Beta testing, "some" participants noted that the Virtual Condom XP Professional Edition provided a pleasurable experience with continuous usage.***

Still in pre-beta development:

Virtual Vaginal Condom XP HouseFrau Edition - code-named "Ballenchane", modeled after "Stealth". Rest assured, Ladies, your 'Lover' [the reason for your month long headache] can still fill you without you having to worry about having a baby of a different ethnicity than your Husband! Soon To Beta!

Virtual Vaginal Condom XP PieceOfAss Edition - code-named "BabesThatCouldBeLipstipLesbiansWithTheRightAmoutOfAlcoholInThem", and just about everything about the development of this product is under the "veil of secrecy"****. All we can report as of yet, is that with a multitude of optional attachments, women who use this product will have a hard time going back to the Real Thing! Requires additional pre-beta testing.

Virtual Condom XP Homo Edition - code-named "AbnerLouima", for the Hard-Core Homosexual, not satisfied with the interchangeability of the optional attachments between the Virtual Condom XP Professional and the Virtual Vaginal Condom XP PieceOfAss Editions, and who also have fantasies of the NYPD treating them like a black immigrant! The Virtual Condom XP Homo Edition is admittedly a brutal product, but it can also be adapted to become the perfect product for extreme heterosexual Sado/Masochistic sex, and for Jesuits too! Soon To Beta!

					Microscum Disclaimer: You'll need a Microscum Passport in order to participate in this Preview. As with any Beta Hardware and Software, this Preview should not be used on mission critical systems. Microscum takes no responsibility for any damage, whether physical or psychological, unwanted pregnancy or sexual disease, resulting from the use and/or abuse of any of the products offered through the Microscum Virtual Condom XP Preview Program. By excepting the EULA accompanying this, and/or any Microscum product, you, the consumer of Microscum products, agree that we, here at Microscum, accept no liability for any Microscum Product, past, present, or future! We, here at Microscum, think that just about covers our asses pretty well!
					Microscum Product Activation Disclaimer: The Virtual Condom XP Home Edition and the Virtual Vaginal Condom XP HouseFrau Edition, have no product activation [as stories about boring, pointless, married people sex isn't of much interest to Bill, or for that matter stories of their sad silly affairs!]. The Virtual Condom XP Professional Edition requires reactivation after 4 skanky 'ho encounters in a 6 to 9 week time frame! A "temporary" Microserf will summarize your skanky 'ho stories and put them up on the alt.sex.erotica Newsgroup [this keeps Bill busy for a couple of hours a day!]. Bill is the Chief Software Architect, and Chief Tester Emeritus of the Virtual Vaginal Condom XP PieceOfAss Edition project, and has had a very hands on approach during this initial pre-beta testing period, and is under the "veil of secrecy"**** for 16 to 18 hours a day. The Virtual Vaginal Condom XP PieceOfAss Edition will require reactivation after every use! [Bill can't get enough of this shit, and will be taking these phone calls, personally!] Gay men can call up the Microscum Product Activation phone line, to get a lifetime 10-digit reactivation code [Bill kind of empathizes with gay guys, because growing up as a geek, can almost be as hard as growing up gay].
					Our plea to you, the customers of Microscum: Please help us keep Bill busy! He really thought that he'd be ruling the world by now, and this eats at him, like maggots in rotting flesh! The only thing that keeps his mind off this festering wound, is by spending time under the "veil of secrecy"****. We, here at Microscum, beg you to accept the Product Activation scheme of this product, it's for your own good! We, here at Microscum, have never disappointed you before. Have we? We're the good monopoly!

* - GPS tracking technology and mobile connectivity require separate optional antennae [Fold one up the crack of your ass, and fold the other tucked up under your balls, with the optional spring-loaded antennae, you choose which antenna goes where, although jockey shorts are recommended. And after all it's all about choice, and we, here at Microscum, are dedicated to the proposition that all consumers "choose" to buy all of our products, whether they need them or not! Did we, here at Microscum, just give away too much? Oops!]

** - By a "little", we, here at Microscum, mean just the opposite! Our Marketing Department told us to give a more comforting first impression of this product, and hide the real truth down here where most people are to lazy to read! Kudos to Marketing!

*** - Actually, the only guys who enjoyed the experience at all, were a few guys that were repressed homosexuals that had homophobic tendencies. We, here at Microscum, convinced most of these guys to join the "AbnerLouima" test program. [There were a couple of suicides, and the rest are in various local jails, pending assault charges. Most of the Microserfs that were assaulted, are recovering quite nicely, thank you!]

**** - There's not much we can tell you about the "veil of secrecy", except that it's kind of like the "Cone Of Silence" from GET SMART, and involves Bill, Super Models and Alcohol. All we, here at Microscum, care about is that the "veil of secrecy" keep's Bill's mind off his world domination scheme. We, here at Microscum, have done all that we can do. It's now you, the customers of Microscum, that must now take up the burden of keeping Bill's mind off of his Napoleonic Delusions! Product Activation is the only way! Resistance is futile.